He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
