Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize