By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize