i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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