To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
