So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
