i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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