The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
