just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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