I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
