oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
