Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Randomize
