I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
