I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
