I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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