your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
