I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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