the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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