I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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