you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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