when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
