the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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