Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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