I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
