drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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