ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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