I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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