I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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