yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
