I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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