I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize