I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
