You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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