she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
the raccoons are back...
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