somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My ATM looks so different sober.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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