It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
there is puke in my bra ... again
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
