She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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