i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
