Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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