I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
