There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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