Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
