Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
