I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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