Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
