I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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