I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
