He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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