Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
