um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I stole a fireplace last night.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
