I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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