people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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