I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
