I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize