You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I can't turn off my feet"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
