He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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