Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
ok first of all what the fuck
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
