just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
