i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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