he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize