Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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