Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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