community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
