happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My pussy is not your playground.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
