filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just pee around me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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