Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
