Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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