Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
this hospital has no fireball
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
