life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
