I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
