Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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